Are we truly ready for movie theaters to come back?

I live in Michigan. A few days ago, our COVID restrictions on outdoor events were largely lifted. The plan is to lift all restrictions, indoor and outdoor, on July 1.

When I was talking with a friend about this, we were both relatively happy at the prospect of some kind of normalcy coming back to our lives, but then he said “I’d better hurry and watch some movies before everyone comes back, because I really like the quiet.”

I added, “and the distance.”

That put the whole thing in perspective, to be honest with you. For the past 16 months, we have all been watching the drama unfold as the COVID-19 pandemic brought Hollywood to a screeching halt, affecting the lives of thousands of workers and crew, closing movie theaters for good, raising tensions between studios and exhibitors, and causing all of us to question just where the whole industry is headed after this.

Now, with close to half of the United States of America fully vaccinated, and COVID numbers declining in areas across the country, people are starting to see “normal” just around the corner and can’t wait for it to come back……but are we truly ready for that?

The easy button answer is yes, especially for the addicts that miss the popcorn, the reclining seats, and the nostalgia of seeing a movie in a public place with other people. These are the people that asked me “why I hated movie theaters” when I said that streaming is the future of the industry, because they literally can’t imagine a time where going to the theater isn’t the first option for a brand new movie.

The past 16 months have been the hardest on those fans, in a first world sense, of course. They had 2020 all mapped out at the theater just like I did, and then not only were they told that release dates were constantly moving, but also that they couldn’t even see anything at their movie theater because it was shut down, whether they wanted to risk it with protocols or not.

So it makes sense that those people are ecstatic that A Quiet Place 2 earned $58 million in its opening weekend, because it felt familiar. It felt like “the before times.” It felt like things are actually going to go back to the way they were before social distancing became a common phrase in our culture.

But let’s be fair here……do we all remember what the “before times” were like at movie theaters? Story time.

It’s 2012. Snow White and The Huntsman. Not the best film in the world, but Chris Hemsworth is awesome and I dug the Seven Dwarfs, especially the late great Bob Hoskins among others. We saw it opening weekend with a full theater.

About halfway through the movie, a woman started moaning in one of the front rows. Loudly. It was a consistent problem for at least 30 minutes during the film. It’s anyone’s guess what she was moaning about or why, because I didn’t see it. I promise.

Obviously it caused other issues with moviegoers in the theater and the last hour of the film was completely disrupted, so much that we were all given free passes to another movie on our way out of the theater as the credits rolled, or more accurately, as they stopped the credits midway to make sure people got up and left, so they could make sure they handed us our tickets.

Then there’s Summer 2015 when we went to see Ant-Man in IMAX, and I got a free Shiatsu massage from a little boy kicking my chair for the entire film. I did my best not to make a scene and just bear with it, but Shonda was ready to launch that kid into space. We left pleased with the film, but highly irritated with the experience.

I also can’t skip over 2013 when a loud group of drunken fools decided to give us all audio reaction commentary at The Wolverine, a situation that literally led to others screaming “SHUT UP” loudly in the theater, and more than a few shoves and physical contact with ushers having to contain the scene. Tensions were so high that a dude actually threatened to fight me when I had my own auditory reaction to the mid-credit scene that was teasing Days of Future Past. I seriously wasn’t loud, but I was talking to myself, and after the idiots earlier, we were all on edge. We got free passes for that one too.

I have more stories, like the time the projector went bad for Captain America: Civil War in IMAX and we had to see it in a normal theater, which included a frustrated mother that wanted to loudly pick a fight with kids she claimed cut in line ahead of her, or the family of four that went to Spectre in IMAX and let one of the sons play on his very bright, distracting iPad the whole time in the corner of my eye, while another couple was tending to their practically newborn baby in the front row, but I think you get the point here.

Movie theaters are awesome experiences when everyone behaves, which is pretty much true of all public event spaces, but before the pandemic started we all had our stresses and issues with it at times, and for many of us it was hardly isolated incidents. I’m not saying that the majority of my experiences have been terrible or anything, but it’s notable when I intentionally pay more for an IMAX ticket, or an EMAX ticket at Emagine Theaters, because I’m confident the higher price will scare off a good amount of the riff-raff that might want to talk, kick, yell or moan during the movie I’m trying to watch. I don’t think many of us are ready for all of that mess to come back anytime soon.

Then there’s the new part of that “normal,” which includes the COVID concerns. Make no mistake, the past 16 months have been a form of mental trauma for all of us in some way, and if you don’t believe that, then ask yourself if you really feel the same way as a person about the world today as you did in early March 2020. You might still believe and have a lot of the same feelings, but the pandemic has changed SOMETHING about your mindset going forward.

The last movie I saw in theaters before everything shut down was The Way Back, with Ben Affleck. At that time, COVID cases were starting to appear in the US and in Michigan, but it hadn’t gotten to outbreak level yet. Even so, sitting in that theater full of a mostly older crowd, many of whom were loudly coughing at different times throughout the movie, it was uncomfortable. More so than it had been before when that happened.

How are we going to feel about it now, after more than a year of stay at home orders, mask mandates and social distancing? Who’s going to understandably get that first wave of anxiety, or even a full blown panic attack, because the person sitting right next to you just sneezed, even if they’re vaccinated? What happens when it causes a fight, because someone sneezed without covering their mouth and a mother accuses that person of trying to poison their child, because they weren’t wearing a mask and they have no idea if the person has been vaccinated or not?

That’s a hypothetical scenario, but you can already see the Twitter posts about it actually happening, can’t you?

Look, it’s not a perfect situation and at some point during all of this chaos, a middle ground was always going to be necessary for all of us with regard to how to move forward and live our lives again, but that’s going to be a process for everyone, even if the box office starts to suggest that the old days of big opening weekends and massive numbers actually are going to return. I’ll fully admit that as eerie and weird as it was going to a completely dead theater and sitting socially distanced with a mask on for Army of the Dead last month, with only three other people in the whole theater sitting in the front rows, it was peaceful. No one kicking my chair, no one sneezing or coughing right next to me, no one playing on their iPad, and no one moaning for whatever reason.

Part of me is going to miss that, I won’t lie, but hopefully the adjustment period of going back to the theater will see some people be a little more reserved and mindful of others after the past 16 months. I can at least hope for that, whether it happens or not. Would be nice if it actually did, wouldn’t it?